Rulings on the mourning of a woman whose husband has died

 

What are the regulations concerning the
idda of a widow?

I have been told that she cannot leave her husband's house at all during
the 4 months and 10 days, but other say she must only be careful to leave only for true
needs and must never sleep away from her husband's house during this time.

I have also been told that she cannot wash or comb her hair. The latter
especially seems contrary to Islam regarding cleanliness. A detailed response would be
greatly appreciated.

Jazakum Allahu khayran

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those of you who die and leave wives behind them,
they (the wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for four months and
ten days, then when they have fulfilled their term, there is no sin on you if
they (the wives) dispose of themselves in a just and honourable manner (i.e.,
they can marry). And Allaah is Well-Acquainted with what you do.” [al-Baqarah
2:234]

“And those of you who die and leave behind wives should
bequeath for their wives a year’s maintenance and residence without turning
them out, but if they (wives) leave, there is no sin on you for that which they
do of themselves, provided it is honourable (e.g., lawful marriage). And Allaah
is All-Mighty, All-Wise.”

[al-Baqarah 2:240]

Umm ‘Atiyah reported that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should mourn
for a dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in which
case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. She should not wear
any coloured clothes, only simple dress. She should not apply kohl to her eyes,
or use perfume, except for a little qust or izfaar (types of perfume),
when she cleans herself after finishing her period.” (Reported by
Muslim, 2739).

Umm Habeebah bint Abi Sufyaan reported that when the news
of her father’s death reached her, she called for some perfume and wiped
it on her forearms, and said: “I do not need it, but I heard the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
‘It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day
to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband,
(in which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. (Reported
by al-Bukhaari, 4926).

Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) reported that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The woman whose husband
has (recently) died should not wear clothes dyed with safflower or torn clothes,
or dye her hair, or use kohl.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3479,
and others).

Zaynab bint Ka’b ibn ‘Ujrah reported that al-Furay’ah
bint Maalik ibn Sinaan, the sister of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, told her that
she came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him whether she should go back to
her people among Banu Khudrah. Her husband had gone out in pursuit of some rebellious
slaves of his, and when he caught up with them at the edge of al-Qadoom, they
killed him. She said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether I should go back to my family,
because my husband had not left me a place to live that belonged to him, or
any money for provisions. The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said yes, so I started to leave,
and I had reached the hujurah (room) or the mosque, when the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called
me or told someone to call me. So I came back, and he asked me, ‘What did
you say?’ I repeated the story I had told him about my husband. He said:
‘Stay in your house for the specified length of time.’ So I spent
my ‘iddah there, four months and ten days. At the time of ‘Uthmaan,
he sent word to me asking about this, so I told him, and he followed what I
said and judged in accordance with it.” Muhammad ibn Bashshaar told us
that Yahyaa ibn Sa’eed informed us that Sa’d ibn Ishaaq ibn Ka’b
ibn ‘Ujrah informed us of something similar. Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who
said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. The majority of scholars among the Companions
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and others followed this hadeeth and did not allow a widow to move
out of her husband’s home until her ‘iddah was over. (Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, 1125).

On the basis of the texts quoted above, the scholars have defined
the rules governing widows and described how the widow’s mourning should
affect her life. These rules may be summed up as follows:

It is forbidden for the recently-widowed woman to use perfume,
whether on her body or on her clothes

It is forbidden for the recently-widowed woman to adorn herself
with things like henna or facial make-up, or to use kohl unnecessarily,
or to use anything else that may make her beautiful and attractive to others.

It is forbidden for the recently-widowed woman to wear attractive
clothes, such as clothes dyed with safflower or saffron, or other types
of red dyes and colours that are used for adornment.

It is forbidden for the recently-widowed woman to wear jewellery.

It is forbidden for the recently-widowed woman to spend the
night outside her own home, meaning the home of her deceased husband, except
for some Islamically legitimate reason, such as her being afraid for her
own safety, or being evicted by the landlord of rented premises, etc. If
a recently-widowed woman needs to go out for medical treatment, to attend
legal proceedings in court, to take exams in school, or to go shopping when
she has no-one who can do this for her, then she should do these things
during the day, so long as she comes back home to her husband’s house
before maghrib (sunset).

She is forbidden to marry or draw up a marriage contract;
even engagement is forbidden, unless it is merely hinted at and not stated
clearly.

From the above, it is clear that Islam gives the husband immense
rights. The wife should give up wearing adornments and perfume, and should stay
in her husband’s home during this period because of those rights. These
rules also pay attention to her psychological state at this time when she has
lost her support. Even though these rules are so clear, many people have still
fallen prey to many different kinds of bid’ah when it comes to mourning,
so they forbid a woman to do things that are not forbidden in Islam, and they
fabricate lies and introduce bid’ah into the religion of Allaah. Shaykh
‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz said:

“Some people may think and imagine that a recently widowed
woman should not speak to anyone, or speak to anyone on the telephone, or have
a bath more than once a week, or walk barefoot in her house, or go outside in
the moonlight, or other such nonsense which has no basis. But in fact she is
allowed to walk barefoot or with shoes in her house, to do whatever she needs
to in her house, to cook food for herself and her guests, to walk in the moonlight
on the roof or in the garden of her house, to take a bath whenever she wants,
to speak to whomever she wants so long as it is decent talk, to shake hands
with other women and with her mahram relatives (close relatives such as father,
brother, etc.) – but not with non-mahrams, and to remove her headcovering
so long as there are no non-mahrams present. She should not use henna, saffron
or perfume, and she is not allowed to get engaged – a hint is permissible
but not a clear statement. And Allaah is the source of strength.”

(Fataawaa Islamiyah, 3/316)

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen said: “Wearing
black to mourn the deceased is a form of bid’ah, and the wives of the deceased
only need to avoid fancy clothes, adornment, jewellery, makeup and perfume during
the mourning period. Neglecting regular work during the mourning period is also
a form of bid’ah. The recently widowed woman should still take care of
cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry, etc., and there is no sin invloved
in doing so. And Allaah knows best.” (al-Lu’lu’ al-Makeen,
39).

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:

“Wearing special clothes to accept condolences is a
form of bid’ah, in our opinion, because it could indicate that one is discontent
with the decree of Allaah, may He be glorified.” (Fataawaa al-Ta’ziyah,
38).

He also said:

“Wearing black as a sign of mourning is a false symbol
that has no basis. At times of bereavement a person should do what is taught
by Islam, which is to say: ‘Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon.
Allaahumma’jurni fi museebati wa’khluf li khayran minhaa (To Allaah
we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, recompense me for my affliction
and replace it for me with something better).’ As regards wearing some
special clothing, such as wearing black and so on, this has no basis, and it
is false and reprehensible conduct.”

(Fataawa Islamiyah, 3/313).

And Allaah knows best.