Why does it matter if a child has a same-sex crush?

The ripples caused by a boy of seven coming out as gay shows society has a way to go before it views LGBT people equally

A blogger for the Huffington Post has caused ripples online recently by writing that her seven-year-old son has come out as gay. "Amelia" had previously explained on her blog that her son had developed a crush on the character Blaine from the TV series Glee, but now it seems that since learning what the word "gay" means this is how he chooses to describe himself. Is this too young an age to know for sure? Maybe so, however Amelia accepts that this may not be the last word on his orientation. There is no reason that identifying as gay at seven should be a commitment to being gay as an adult, any more than the assumption of heterosexuality that is imposed on almost all children stops people growing up gay. We think it cute when kids get crushes on their favourite pop stars, or have pretend weddings; if we are truly to regard gay people and straight people equally then why be concerned if the pop star our child likes is the same sex?

Part of the concern our society has with children even knowing what homosexuality is (let alone identifying as such) comes from a fairly understandable worry about children's exposure to sex in general. However, is the fact that I have a civil partnership with someone of the same sex so much more graphic than Sleeping Beauty marrying Prince Charming? It doesn't follow that explaining to children what being gay is means we need to explain what it might involve any more than they need to know what mum and dad get up to behind closed doors.

Nobody knows which children will grow up to be LGBT; it can happen in any family. I therefore believe as adults we have a duty to teach all children both that such people exist and that we are willing to accept and support them no matter their orientation. Over recent years the average age of coming out has dropped to around 15, but even if we were to argue that sexual orientation doesn't surface until puberty (against the testimony of many gay people who say they knew earlier) this still leaves a significant number of difficult years in the "closet". Of course, adolescence is a tough time for anybody, but the time between realising you are gay and summing up the courage to talk to anybody about it (a pretty normal six to seven years in my case) is more often than not a time of panic, confusion, isolation and hiding – and occurs at one of the most important, formative periods of life.

Having spoken to other gay people with less open-minded parents I realise I was lucky, I never at any point thought my sexuality was morally wrong. Even so, it was still impossible not to notice that many parts of society treated it as something to be ashamed of. It is unfair to expect our children to deal with suddenly being part of a stigmatised minority, to fear (rightly in many cases) that their own parents might reject them because of a secret that has been thrust upon them against their will – and to deal with it alone. Even if like me you are lucky enough to have parents who make it explicit that they will accept you no matter your orientation, the longer you keep the secret the longer you have to lie to those closest to you and therefore the harder it becomes to "confess".

Who is to say what psychological effect this childhood burden has on gay adults in later life? One thing we do know is that studies have shown young LGBT people are five times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers. We need to understand that homosexuality is as much about romance as it is about sex, get over our panic about children knowing that some people are gay and make it explicitly clear to all kids that we will support them no matter what their orientation.