I am a Muslim girl, praise be to Allaah. I have read a lot and I have heard the scholars speak about the husband’s rights over his wife, and how great he is. I have heard ahaadeeth which speak sternly about a woman disobeying her husband. I want to obey the commands of Allaah and His Messenger when I get married, if Allaah wills, but I have a question, if I may ask about it. This question is going around in the minds of many women, but they are too embarrassed to ask them lest they be accused of ignorance or of denying the command of Allaah and His Messenger. The question is: what is it that makes the man superior so that he deserves all these rights over women?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The great rights that a husband has over his wife are
something that is affirmed in sharee’ah, as Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as
regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as
regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree
(of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”[al-Baqarah 2:228]
“Men are the protectors
and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the
other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore
the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands),
and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g.
their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose
part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share
their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they
return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely,
Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than
Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the
One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty
towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks
her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not
refuse.”Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1853; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.And there are other similar texts.
Allaah has explained the
reason in the verse where He says (interpretation of the meaning):“because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other,
and because they spend (to support them) from their means”[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
This
superiority is something that Allaah has decreed, and He is not to be
questioned about what He does, rather they are to be questioned. It is also
because of what the man does, spending on his family and striving to earn a
living for them.Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his
Tafseer (1/363): “The phrase ‘but men have a degree (of
responsibility) over them’ means that they are superior in physical
nature, attitude, status, obedience to the commands of Allaah, spending,
taking care of interests, and virtue, in this world and in the Hereafter, as
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):‘Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the
other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means’[al-Nisa’4:34].” End quote.
He also said (1/653): “Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers of women’ meaning
that men are in charge of women, i.e., they are their leaders, who rule over
them and discipline them if they go astray. ‘because Allaah has made one
of them to excel the other’ means, because men are superior to women,
and men are better than women. Hence Prophethood was given to men only, as
is the highest position of authority (i.e., khilaafah or the position of
caliph), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No people will ever succeed who appoint a woman as their ruler.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari from the hadeeth of ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Abi Bakr
from his father. The same applies to the position of judge etc. ‘and
because they spend (to support them) from their means’ means, because of
the mahr, spending and maintenance that Allaah has enjoined upon men with
regard to women in His Book and in the Sunnah of His Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). So men are better than women in and of
themselves, and they have the responsibility to spend on them and maintain
them, so it is appropriate that the man should be the protector and
maintainer of the woman, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘but
men have a degree (of responsibility) over them’, i.e., they are in
charge of them. She should obey him in that which he commands her to do, and
obeying him means treating his family well and protecting his wealth.” End
quote.Al-Baghawi said in his Tafseer (2/206): “ ‘because
Allaah has made one of them to excel the other’ means, men excel women
because they have more powers of reason and religious commitment and they
are in charge of affairs. And it was said that this refers to giving
testimony, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘And if
there are not two men (available), then a man and two women’ [al-Baqarah
2:282]. And it was said that it refers to jihad, or to worship i.e.,
Jumu’ah and prayers in congregation, or that it refers to the fact that a
man may marry four wives, but a woman is not permitted more than one
husband; or the fact that divorce is in the man’s hand; or that it refers to
inheritance, or to diyah (blood money), or to Prophethood.”Al-Baydaawi said in his Tafseer (2/184): “ ‘Men are
the protectors and maintainers of women’ means that they are in charge
of them and take care of them. He gave two reasons for that, one that is
inherent in them and one that is acquired subsequently, and said: ‘because
Allaah has made one of them to excel the other’, because Allaah has
favoured men over women by making men more perfect in reasoning and running
affairs, and has given them more strength with regard to work and acts of
worship. Hence men are singled out when it comes to Prophethood, leadership,
guardianship, establishing rituals, giving testimony in legal matters, the
obligation to engage in jihad and pray Jumu’ah, and so on, and they are
given a greater share of inheritance, and divorce is in the man’s hand. ‘and
because they spend (to support them) from their means’ refers to what
they spend with regard to marriage, such as the mahr and maintenance, etc.”
End quote.In conclusion, men have been given the role of protectors and
maintainers for the two reasons mentioned in the verse, one of which is
inherent i.e., Allaah has made men superior to women, and the other of which
is acquired by the man through his own hard work, which his spending his
wealth on his wife.And Allaah knows best.
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